I’m back, I’m refreshed.

owen lu fort

I’m back after my frist internet-free Friday. Surprisingly it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be! I kept busy with a playdate in the morning and lunch with my friends/ kids at McDonalds. We had good conversation about what we believe about God/ Chirst/ Salvation/ and things associated. I left it deep and thought and returned to lay my kids down for naptime. Because so much was going on in my head that I wanted to dig into scripture (the Bible) for… I did that when I would normally log in. I read, prayed, and read more. Called my brother to ask him a question. And prayed some more. It was really great.

I don’t say this at all to toot my self-righteous horn. TRUST ME I would be a hypocrite to do so. I’m just been really hungry lately. Hungry for that spiritual food. I want to dig deeper and deeper.

There are so many things that I haven’t shared here. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. But related to some of the many things I do not share here is that about 6 weeks ago I went on some medicine. Medicine to help me deal with living normal life. Medicine that it was difficult for me to cave into taking. You see, I have tried just about everything to avoid needing medicine. I had to be sure it was something I really needed that God was providing for me. And in all my trying, my eyes were opened, and I felt free to go that route.

God is so good. After 6 weeks I can tell you I’m in such a different place. I’m not perfect, I’m still climbing up hills, striving. But just getting up in the morning without an intense confused, over-whelmed, panic feeling is so freeing. I have longed LONGED to be in God’s word every morning because I really believe that there is something about starting you day that way. My times spent with God in his word have been spotty in the past, and NEVER in the morning… mornings are so hard.

After this medicine… I still wake up groggy. I don’t think I will ever be a “morning person”. But now I can get up. Get the boys food. Sit down with coffee, and spend time in the word with God without having a panic attack or feeling like I have completely failed becaus life didn’t go as I planned. I feel like I can focus.

Someday it would be such a God send to not need everything, and to really have a deeper understanding of God’s love and healing and more of an ability to trust him with everything that maybe I won’t need it. Maybe someday I “will get it” on a spiritual level enough that the chemicals are balanced out on my body. (I believe we are body-mind-spirit and that all these areas effect one another.) OR maybe I’ll never be healed of this and it will be a thorn in my flesh. Maybe I will need medicine my whole life. I don’t know. But it’s in God’s hands now. And I will rest in this fact. That He has me taken care of.

2 Corinthians 12:7b-10
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was giving a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly abou tmy weaknesses so that Christ’s power may reast on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

In all this I’m able to be in a place with God that is more focused and consistant than ever. How can that possibly be bad? (that’s for the critics). I’m seriuosly digging into a lot of areas of myself and asking God’s light of truth shine on them so that I can do what i need to do, surrender what I need to surrender, live how I’m suppose to live.

Funny, I hadn’t planned on writing about that. But I did, And I really think I should publish it for some reason.

I meant to talk about the picture above. And what a sweet time I had with my boys yesterday. How good Owen was at the park. How easily they went to nap time. Yesterday, was just so nice.

I’m also realizing I need to manage my blog time better. I came back to over 100 unread posts. I’m not even 1/2 way through and I need to go soon. I think I’m going to have to start putting my RSS feeds that I read in days of the week folders. That way I will have a certain amount I read everyday (except Friday!). Anyone else have time-saving blog advise?


14 Responses to “I’m back, I’m refreshed.”

  1. 1 bd May 5, 2007 at 6:07 pm

    Hi Elizabeth,

    congrats on your internet free friday. I should really try that.

    With regards to the RSS overwhelming thing, I would just triage the posts in your feed reader. If it doesn’t look very, very important, it probably isn’t and can get skipped.

  2. 2 the Grit May 5, 2007 at 6:44 pm

    Hi mz,

    As to mood altering medication, I take some, at the insentience of my wife. While I don’t really notice the difference, she seems to think that I am not as much of an A-hole as I used to be. Hey, if it makes her happy… 🙂

    the Grit

  3. 3 momlovesbeingathome May 5, 2007 at 7:04 pm

    I wanted to share something with you about the medicine thing. I think society has placed an unreasonable stigma on people who need medication for things like you are talking about. We don’t question a bit when someone needs medicine for their heart, for diabetes, for thyroid conditions, and things like that but for some reason people think a person is weak or something is seriously wrong with them if they take medicine for depression or anxiety problems. (You didn’t say specifically but I’m assuming your medication is for something of that nature.) That is so not true!! The brain has problems that need medication just like the heart or the thyroid. It’s no different. We wouldn’t expect a person with heart disease to go without or try to stop taking the medication and try to function on their own so you shouldn’t feel like you have to either. I think there are probably a lot of people that would be living happier, healthier lives if they would only realize this. I hope this hasn’t come across the wrong way and that I haven’t offended you. Just trying to let you know there’s nothing wrong with needing medication. 🙂

  4. 4 Anne Weakley May 5, 2007 at 8:20 pm

    Thanks for being real – will be praying that the medicine continues to help and that you won’t need it forever…Love ya – In His unconditional love –


  5. 5 thelonedrifter May 5, 2007 at 10:50 pm


    a side note before I comment: your blog is awesome! I know this isn’t a usual sentiment for a teenage guy to be expressing (then again, most teenage guys don’t blog politics and Christianity), but I think it is very, very cool that Christian mothers like yourself and momlovesbeingathome do this. Most aspects of society need the input of wise women, and the blogosphere tends to be dominated by women entirely unwise. Keep it up!

    As to the post:
    You don’t know how encouraging it is to hear of a person who is taking medicine for a non-physical problem and willing to accept it and deal with it… and more than that, understand that God has a master plan about it. My father is severely mentally ill, though not to the point where he could not deal with some of the effects. Seeing stuff like this just gives me a little more hope, comforts me that my dad isn’t the only one going through stuff like this, and reminds me that God has it all under control. Thanks!

  6. 6 t.y. May 5, 2007 at 10:51 pm

    oh elizabeth, thank you for sharing so vulnerably and beautifully here. it is easy to sense the way in which the Spirit is working in and through you during all of this. prayers for you that God will continue to make himself known to you in ways you never imagined, in ways that will bring you closer to him and more fully into the amazing person he has already created you to be.

    oh, and may your blogging time management be worked out too. 🙂 springtime is just too short to stay inside away from friends and sunshine!

  7. 7 mommyzabs May 6, 2007 at 12:41 am

    BD, what does it mean to triage the posts in my feed reader?
    you lost me on that.

    MLBAH, yes i agree 100% with you. And it is so encouraging to learn more and more that other’s feel the same way that I do about it. You always wonder when you post something like this if you are going to have some painful darts thrown at you. But I felt free to post this for some reason? But I love the encouragement, thanks.

    Anne, You are sweet and thanks so much for the prayers!

    Drifter, I didn’t realize you were in H.S. aren’t you suppose to be on myspace ? 🙂 Just kidding, that is so wonderful that you are so into politics, current events and such. Youth should never be an excuse to not think about the world around you. you are ahead of many of your peers and that is something you will be so thankful for. I read your blog and you have a lot of great things to say! I’m sorry that your father has had struggles. I know it is hard to be a child of a parent that struggles too, as I was one as well. Your grace for him is very tender and encouraging. God is so good and we live in a fallen world where just like we can end up with cancer that He may not choose to heal while we are on earth… the same can be with mental disorders. However, He may? who knows. I have seen it happen but i’m willing to accept whatever he has for me and press into him whether life is painful or wonderful- or both- which it often is 🙂

    T.Y.- as alawys you rock :)Thank you for the awesome prayer, i’ll embrace it. 🙂 And yes, I’m going to have to manage time well!(as iu sit with now 101 unread blogs) Pool season is almost here! And nice weather in our parts of the nation should be enjoyed as much as possible since we don’t have a lot of it!!!

    Commentors whose comments I haven’t approved-
    Please take no offense. I don’t really like to post comments that “advertise” their blog when I haven’t ever seen you around here before. Once I’m familiar with your content and feel comfortable with you I don’t mind you plugging your blog at all… In fact, if that is the case I will probably at some point plug you myself! But if you would like to comment on this subject without the plug and I don’t find it horribly offensive, I will then post your comment. Again, not personal, I just don’t feel comfortable letting people plug themslef here unless I am familiar with them.

  8. 8 mommyzabs May 6, 2007 at 12:54 am

    Oh I want to clarify the mind body spirit comment.

    I wasn’t implying that it IS because of lack of trust in God that i have this problem. I was just saying something more along the lines of “who knows, it’s possible, maybe some day I will realize that, and I’m open to it.” i believe that in life we keep learning (if we choose to) and that I have had so many moments where something clicks and I get it. Things that had I learned earlier would have made life easier, but they didn’t click earlier… they clicked then, and I was thankful. I know that will continue to happen as long as I’m alive as long as I’m alawys learning, always growing. There will be times, just like times past where I will realize,”wow I really never let go of that”, or “wow, i didn’t realize i was so bitter at that person and need to forgive them”… and so on. Who knows, maybe someday I will realize things that exasperate any genetic disposition i have toward anxiety and depression. And maybe when that clicks I will be better off…

    But in all that, I’m also saying that my issues may just be a physical problem in my wiring that won’t go away and God won’t choose to heal until I’m dead.

    I just am not a person that knows everything 🙂 So I allow for both those things. I feel to do otherwise would not be being open. I think the key is having peace in whatever it is that God has for me. And understanding that weakness does not mean I am not his child. It proves once again that I need him with everything in me. That I live in a world that is fallen. That with out him I have nothing. And It gives me such joy to know I have him! I will, as paul, boast in my weaknesses, because it is HE that makes me complete. He provides my needs. (like medicine right now!) And he is holding my hand in all this.

    I mean how exciting that because I’m on some medicine I can pray longer, and study the Bible with less mental distraction. That I can focus enough in the morning to stop and give it to him!
    How much better for my children and my husband to have a wife and mother that can think straight without having a panic attack. How much better for them to see me in the Bible (as i saw my mom!) morning after morning. I can’t even tell you what an amazing impact that had on my life. And that I’m able to give God each day as it is beginning because I’m not distracted by feeling like I have already failed because it didn’t start perfect.

    Okay I’m going on and on cause it is past midnight! So i have to go. And sleep!

  9. 9 momlovesbeingathome May 6, 2007 at 1:11 am

    Good, I’m so glad it came across the right way then! Every once in awhile I write a comment and I’m so afraid it will be taken the wrong way. Sometimes it’s very hard to convey something in writing rather than in person. 🙂

    I had to chuckle at your comment to lonedrifter because I was also amazed when I found out that he was a teenager and was amazed at how ahead of most teenagers he appears to be. By the way, lonedrifter, thanks for including me in the compliment above. 🙂 That’s something that I think is really cool about blogging – people of different races, different genders, and all different ages communicating with each other on here. That’s exactly how life should be. We all have something to teach someone else and something to learn from someone else.

    God bless!

  10. 10 momlovesbeingathome May 6, 2007 at 1:21 am

    You posted while I was writing so I just wanted to clarify that my response was to your first comment to me. 🙂

    AMEN to that last paragraph!! (to the whole comment – which was great – but especially that last paragraph!) That makes it all worth it right there!

    God bless you – get some sleep. 🙂

  11. 11 momlovesbeingathome May 6, 2007 at 1:22 am

    Okay, I’m getting tired too I think – “AMEN to that last paragraph!!” I was referring to the last paragraph of the last comment you just made. I’m not sure if that was clear or not! haha! I guess I need to go to bed too. 🙂

  12. 12 Kyle Chowning May 6, 2007 at 1:36 am

    E. Strong you are. Stronger than you think. Thanks for your vulnerability.

    I’d like to take a week off of the internet. that would be interesting…of course, I’d be out of a job, but it would be interesting.

    have you looked at google reader to manage your blog subscriptions?


  13. 13 mommyzabs May 6, 2007 at 9:32 am

    Grit, i totally forgot to respond to you and I’m so sorry! I must have scrolled to quickly! That is great you understand. And ONCE AGAIN your wife wins some great points for being a wise woman. Isn’t it so great to have someone in your life that balances you so much- my husband is the same way and I am so thankful for him.

    MLBAH- you rock. we emailed. no worries on the comments, i do the same thing often, especially when it is late or i’m distracted.

    kyle- thanks. yeah you pretty much need your internet for work 🙂 but I have no excuse not to do it 🙂
    i use my rss on safari browser. will google reader offer me more?

  14. 14 momlovesbeingathome May 6, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    Thanks mommyzabs. 🙂 I just e-mailed you back, too. I forgot I was going to say something about your blog reading question – I don’t understand the whole RSS thing at all but I read my blogs through the blog surfer tab on the dashboard. I don’t know if that has anything to do with what you’re asking or if that would help but I really like it. I just found it a couple of weeks ago and it’s so much easier than the way I was reading the blogs I like. This may not be what you’re asking at all though since I don’t get the RSS thing though. haha!

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